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Is Your Partner Sexually Pleasing You?

posted Nov 17, 2017, 10:32 PM by Nikki Rain   [ updated Nov 18, 2017, 1:14 AM ]
Fascinating   isn't   it,   how   we   really   don't   talk   much   about   our   sexual   desires   or   practices?   Oh,   we often   speak   of   trivial   aspects   but   when   was   the   last   time   you   had   a   completely   open   and   honest conversation   about   what   you   or   your   partner   really   wants   or   would   like   sexually?   We   often   skirt around   it   hoping   they'll   discover   our   inner   secret   by   either   stumbling   upon   it   or   by   some   other mysterious   method.   Sometimes   we   even   think   that   if   they   "really   loved"   us   they   would   simply know   or   make   sure   to   figure   it   out.

What   keeps   you   from   being   totally   honest   with   your   partner?   Is   it   a   fear   of   acceptance,   rejection, a   taboo   subject,   or   maybe   something   you   want   seems   too   kinky?   Or   is   it   more   akin   to   your perception   of   your   own   desire   being   repugnant   or   making   your   lover   feel   less   adequate   by   their not   fully   satisfying   your   desires?   No   matter   what   you   may   be   holding   back,   it   is   important   to remind   ourselves   that   the   desires   we   don't   express,   will   usually   go   unsated.

Our   partner   is   not   here   to   cater   to   our   every   desire   by   intuition...   part   of   our   development   as   a human   being   is   to   learn   to   express   ourselves   in   a   way   that   honors   ourselves   as   well   as   our partner.   I   mean   how   hard   is   it   to   say   "Ya   know   honey...   I   think   it   would   be   so   cool   if   we___   or   if you___   that   would   drive   me   wild.   Oh,   and   while   we   are   chatting...   what   naughty   ideas   do   you have   for   me   to   pleasure   you   my   lover?"

One   of   the   main   challenges   between   lovers   often   boils   down   to   ineffective   communication resulting   in   misunderstandings.   A   major   contributor   to   this   is   a   basic   lack   of   communication   and negotiating   skills   with   one's   partner.   While   many   cultures   negotiate   and   haggle   as   part   of   daily life,   we   have   generally   become   timid   and   outright   fearful   of   negotiating   and   then   settle   for   what is   offered.   At   the   other   end   of   the   spectrum   of   holding   our   desires   inward,   we   may   go   beyond simply   feeling   dissatisfied   and   actually   "punish"   our   partner   through   passive   aggressive   or outright   aggressive   ways   to   get   our   needs   met.

When   we   stuff   are   needs   they   will   come   out   one   way   or   another   whether   we   do   so   consciously or   unconsciously   and   often   we   and   are   partner   are   left   feeling   dissatisfied,   frustrated,   and   if   left unaddressed...   apathetic.   Oddly   enough,   what   we   were   trying   to   avoid   in   the   first   place   (rocking the   boat)   we   often   end   up   doing   anyway   because   of   our   lack   of   communication   with   our   partner. At   least   if   we   had   been   honest   with   ourselves   and   our   partner   in   the   first   place   we   would   be   able to   address   the   heart   of   the   matter   and   increase   the   possibility   of   true   intimacy...   which   by   the way...   makes   for   great   sex.   So,   ask   yourself   this...   if   you   are   not   satisfied   with   your   sex   life make   sure   to   first   check   in   with   yourself   as   to   whether   or   not   you   have   asked   your   partner   for what   you   wanted.

Open   and   honest   communication   in   a   healthy   and   loving   relationship   is   a   daily   event.   The contrary   of   this   leads   to   dysfunction   and   a   break   down   of   the   relationship   as   well   as   a   general feeling   of   self   worth   within   ourselves.   That   is   why   extra   marital   affairs   are   so   common   as   it   is   an easy   escape   from   dealing   with   our   own   failures   in   a   relationship.   The   problem   with   that   is   that they   only   end   up   making   everything   worse...   so   why   not   skip   the   drama   and   go   straight   to   the good   stuff...   loving   and   honoring   ourselves   through   our   honest   thoughts   and   feelings.   It   only adds   to   our   integrity   which   makes   us   feel   good   about   ourselves   as   well   as   making   us   more attractive   to   our   partner.

Relationship   Maintenance

Imagine   if   your   partner   said   "Well,   I   brushed   my   teeth   so   now   I   don't   ever   have   to   do   that   again. Scary   thought!   Yet,   during   courtships   we   say   and   do   many   things   we   simply   quit   doing   after   our relationship   has   stabilized   into   the   long-term.   Why?   It's   like   gasoline   in   a   car.   If   that's   what   it   took initially   to   get   somewhere,   why   wouldn't   you   keep   filling   the   tank   to   keep   it   going?   In   addition... don't   forget   to   check   the   oil   and   maintain   this   "vehicle   of   love."   If   the   best   way   to   travel   is   first class,   then   why   do   so   many   of   our   vehicles   of   love   look   like   beaters   held   together   with   bailing wire   and   bubble   gum?

It   doesn't   take   money   to   have   a   classic   first   class   love   machine.   It   takes   regular   maintenance and   repair   of   what   you   have.   Remember,   it   only   takes   a   little   attention   and   conversation   to   get things   going,   but   a   lot   of   costly   repair   when   you   let   communication   slide.

Before   you   wind   up   in   the   typical   accusatory   conversation   of   "you   never",   "you   don't"   or   other such   offensive   stance,   take   a   minute   and   ask   yourself   if   you're   both   being   honest   about   what you   want.   Take   the   risk   of   being   vulnerable   and   start   talking.   Work   together   on   common   ground and   don't   be   afraid   to   try   new   things.   After   all,   the   deepest   intimacy   is   not   only   powerful, rewarding   and   encourages   growth   on   many   levels...   it   can   also   be   really   fun   both   in   and   out   of the   bedroom...   like   the   kitchen   table,   the   bath,   the   car...